Ron Paul 2008 (Part 2)

[...continued from Ron Paul 2008 (Part 1)]

Politics in Singapore is worthy of interest only as far as nudity is concerned. Fortunately, or unfortunately, this places us in a dilemma which can be best described in the following thought experiment.

"Channel Six is broadcasting a 10-minute feature on Nude Politicians in Singapore. This feature consists of two equal segments, each with extensive nude footage of a prominent politician. One segment will showchase Lee Hsien Loong, while the other will be about Eunice Olsen. If you choose to watch the programme, you must watch all 10 minutes without covering any portion of the screen.

Will you watch the programme?"

I will not attempt to resolve the soul-crushing moral issue that confronts us at this point. It is a tricky task best left for our wise Philosophy Professors, both bearded and unbearded, to deal with.
(feel free to borrow my thought experiment for your Philosophy assignments)

Instead, I will dive straight into my ground-breaking, sea-splitting, sky-rending analysis of, “What makes a Über Politician™”.

All notable über figures in history were not self-made man. Aside from the unproven rumour that they were made by their parents, one theory states that these über men were so fucking intense due to certain legendary artifacts in their possession.

Could Hitler have changed the world without the Spear of Longinus?
Could King Arthur have withstood Morgan le Fay without trusty Excalibur??
Could 孙悟空 have stood a chance against the belligerent man-lobsters without his 如意棒???

I don’t think so.

Likewise for politics, there exists an item that boosts political aptitude beyond one’s wildest imagination. Few know of its existence, and even fewer have any idea how it looks like.
Behold!... The Headdress Astronomic Xtreme!


The Headdress Astronomic Xtreme, or commonly known as HAX (or h4x), was last reportedly seen on the head of Junichiro Koizumi.

Before it came to be sown on Koizumi’s head, the HAX was re-bonded and dyed black in order to conceal it from power hungry politicians. Thanks to the wonders of DNA proofing, there is now indisputable proof that the HAX-in-hiding was actually residing on the head of a Japanese female named Sadako.


This in turn serves as conclusive evidence that the HAX does not work on females, or we might now be living in more peaceful times.

(to be continued…)